Ten upsides to being a single mom

In the old days there were plenty of women who opted out of marriage for reasons as varied as: nursing sick loved-ones, devotion to their parents or siblings, intellectual incompatiblility, pride, professionalism, excellence in different fields. For them, a relationship was a choice among many. If they didn’t choose marriage, they forewent motherhood. We have more options nowadays.

Bearing a child is a woman’s fulfillment. A woman’s body clock ticks away and those who don’t heed it, can’t ever shake the feeling of having missed something. Just look at the efforts people make to have offspring. You’ve made it.

Raising a child takes commitment. If the father didn’t commit himself, you’re better off doing the job single-handedly, cutting out a good many discrepancies and disagreements on moral standards, money, education. It’s a battle and you’re better off not having to fight on two fronts.

You’re in a position to maintain your integrity. And you’ll have all the reason in the world to strive for it: those little eyes that believe in you. You are forced to expand your own personality, when before you might have just adapted to a man.

You’re better off than a married mother who doesn’t have the support of her husband. There is a lot of pressure to conform and cover up. Friends and relatives don’t want to meddle. Loneliness in marriage is the worst kind, because it goes undetected.

You don’t have to choose between pleasing your man and caring for your child. As soon as you have that baby, your natural instincts are upped and if a man can’t cope, it’s hell. It’s the most difficult choice to make and many women go sick or bonkers trying to do both.

As tough as it sounds, when women are in a relationship, they don’t really take care of their souls. They expect happiness to come from their man. It’s a byproduct of the “we”-feeling. Which is fine if you have a good guy. But if you don’t…

You don’t have to keep house to please a guy. Honestly, c’mon, how many chores do we do, thinking: let’s get this done before my guy gets home. You’d do anything to avoid him being grumpy or upset. All your housekeeping goes towards your well-being.


You don’t have to dress or doll yourself up to please a guy. So much time and effort saved that can go to your kid. Keeping neat and trim is something you’re doing for yourself to improve your self esteem.

You’re part of a force that will shape the future of the next male generation. It’s obvious that past standards in gender roles don’t meet the challenges of today. When given the same chances, women excel. Men will have to rethink their position and you are part of this process. Don’t let anything get you down.

It takes two to tango, in a good and a bad sense. It’s wonderful to share your life with a man. But it’s not the only option to live a life, especially if you can’t live it decently. If you haven’t managed after giving it a few shots, perhaps it’s time to refocus for a while.

Disappointment is always a matter of what you appointed to be true in the first place. We’re brainwashed into romance, girls. Always ask yourself: who stands to profit? Cui bono?

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About Irma Walter

looking at life from the other side of 50... View all posts by Irma Walter

One response to “Ten upsides to being a single mom

  • Issa - Single Mama NYC

    Wonderful points!

    #3 is not always the case, however, as some single mothers (like myself) are forced, due to the Courts, to allow at the very least, visitations with the child(ren); other single mothers have joint custody and are forced to “co-parent” with often difficult, unreasonable exes. Dealing with the father, even if it’s inconsistently, can be a source of stress for many single mothers.

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